Monday, September 25, 2006

A Sign

Oh, the hope. Some days I think Pandora should have been speared. Others, I'm grateful for the faintest of reasons to hope.

Last night, visiting my in-laws, I wake in the middle of the night, again, wondering why I torture myself trying to write and what's going to become of me and why did I give up my good job and these years of my life and all my money and . . . other expressions of angst reserved for the privileged with who have access to health care, nutritious foods, safe communities, etc.

It gets grim at 3 am.

I slide out of bed, careful not to wake my son who co-sleeps with me on overnight visits, put on my glasses. I trek to the bathroom and back, focused on my internal sturm und drung, but for some reason, there was a split-second break in the head chatter and I looked up at the stars casting steel light on the dining table through the half-circle window. Perfectly framed in the window is the Big Dipper. Right above the Big Dipper is Polaris. The Home Star. If you follow the Home Star, you can navigate your way anywhere.

Michael, in my novel Homestar, uses this knowledge to build hope first for him mother, that she will find her way home, and then for himself, that he will find his "true north."

I'm taking it as a sign. I feel somewhat embarassed, a superstitious oaf. But it happened, and being a writer, I'll take any kind of bone the universe throws me.

Homestar is being looked at right now. Wish me luck. Or wish upon a star.

8 comments:

Stephanie said...

Good luck with Homestar. :)

I had a therapist in college who said nothing good happens from 3 to 5 a.m. I've found that's about right.

KrisT said...

What a poetic moment! I hope one day you tell this tale at your book signing.

Sharon Hurlbut said...

I'm wishing you luck and starlight. I believe that moment was a sign of good things to come.

Anne Bauer said...

I think your therapist is right, Stephanie. Never have I been awakened in the middle of the night by an overwhelming feeling of well-being, competence or serenity.

Thanks for your good wishes, Kristie and Sharon. And thanks y'all for hanging in there with me.

k1tchenwitch said...

The book is amazing, Anne ~ I've no doubt it will find its way into the hands of an appreciative publisher.

Anne Bauer said...

Thanks, T. I feel like such a dork about this whole thing.

Arlene said...

best of luck with homestar, anne!! i'm crossing my fingers for you and sending good vibes.

arlene

Anne Bauer said...

Thanks, Arlene. I'll need it.