I like this one a lot. It's tightly written, straight to the point without a lot of other things cluttering it. I felt the nostaglia, the emotion of inevitable change. And I love the happy ending.
My only suggestion would be to develop the gypsy. I would like to have known what color her was. Also, what color shoes did the princess wear?
I read your crit to Olivia and she loved it! She was very pleased that real writers liked her story. The princess's shoes are..... get ready for a shocker..... pink.
I told her you said she was a star. She got a huge grin on her face and shook her little fists like she does when she gets chocolate or a trip to the Carousel! Do we have another writer hooked on the positive review in the making?
7 comments:
I like this one a lot. It's tightly written, straight to the point without a lot of other things cluttering it. I felt the nostaglia, the emotion of inevitable change. And I love the happy ending.
My only suggestion would be to develop the gypsy. I would like to have known what color her was. Also, what color shoes did the princess wear?
Overall score: 10
LMAO at Kristie's post.
I read your crit to Olivia and she loved it! She was very pleased that real writers liked her story. The princess's shoes are..... get ready for a shocker..... pink.
I love it! There's a great rhythm to this, a feeling of patterns being repeated - like the circle of life. Well done!
I love this!! Tell your daughter she is a star!!
(She also had a very cool name)
I told her you said she was a star. She got a huge grin on her face and shook her little fists like she does when she gets chocolate or a trip to the Carousel! Do we have another writer hooked on the positive review in the making?
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